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Has everyone lost their friggin minds?

Sorry, but I thought we were over this sort of thing:

The United captain turned his Los Angeles-bound 747 jet back to Sydney on Tuesday after fearing that the letters BOB on a sick bag stood for bomb on board.

A defensible action among the paranoid, perhaps. But then:

"Nonetheless, someone has been irresponsible at least and horrendously selfish and stupid at worst, and every effort will be made to find the person responsible."

What would be next?

Authorities said the backwards 'B' at the beginning of the word led them to their suspect, 4-year-old Robert MacDonald. MacDonald faces 12 years imprisonment and fines of up to $4 million.

No, it's not in the story, you dolt -- it's only hypothetical.

So whatever you do, do not write your name on a sick bag, especially if your name is John. In some quarters, JOHN stands for 'Jihad Of Holy Narwhales', a shadowy and dangerous pod of underwater Islamists. PAUL, it goes without saying, is an acronym for 'Pakistan's Angry Ululating Liberationalists', a vocally gifted but grammatically challenged group of evil-doers. Counter-terrorist experts have long been aware that GEORGE is quick way to say 'Get Everyone Out of Rear Garage Exit', the appropriate and necessary action to take when the front exit of a parking garage, perhaps the one where you park, is threatened by a chemical, biological or nuclear weapon. And one shouldn't forget the self-explanatory RINGO: 'Really Intense Nuclear Gadget On (Board)'.

In the name of global peace and national security, I'm considering changing my name (which may be misinterpreted as an acronym for 'To Hell, Evil Oligarchs') to a series of 1s and 0s expressed as a barcode. I recommend you do the same. For the children.


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